how to not be a f* boy at the party

This is a guide to STOP SEXUAL HARASSMENT AT THE PARTY! Where sexiness is everywhere. You can still control yourself.

~

Once I became a babymama, hanging out became less of a thing for me. To begin with, I was never really a party girl, but I do like to dance & bc I don't go out as much as I would like to, when I do go out, I want to wine up me waistline... in peace. 

I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN IN PEACE! 

I don’t go out to the club to drink or to talk or for the purpose of hooking up. If those things happen, cool, but my intention is loud music & some open space for me to get down to. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex. It is great & wonderful & I am not repressed. I am just not interested in dry humping in a public space with a stranger. Does that make sense? The vibes have to be so right for me to be okay with that.  I am not judging anyone else who operates differently from me. I JUST WANT TO DANCE... IN PEACE! 

I like to have a good time. DANCE. I am in love with the way my body contours to bass, treble, & snare. I activate my womb space. I wine with footwork; while I’m spinning or just two-stepping. When I began swaying my hips, I wasn’t as aware. I didn’t know that I was activating my powerhouse, my foundation, my connection to manifestation. I just felt good dancing with my people. I wasn’t aware of the chakras or sacred sexuality.

Now, I know more. I realize the pleasure in connecting my root chakra with other folk doing the same. I am opening direct communication to ancestry, fertility, vibrating higher, & healing. All of this while busting a move. I open my shoulder blades to open my heart chakra. I am livened with love. I am proud. I am free until… some variation of a human comes up to me & just awkwardly stares, or interrupts me by tryna push their body parts against my backside. I can dig it. I'm sexy.You are attracted. But, I am still sacred. I am still sexy. DON’T TOUCH ME! ESPECIALLY  with your penis. It’s sacred. Why can’t you see that? I mean, you came out of there…

Although, I am not here to attract you or to mate with you, some may be. So, here are some tips so you don’t make anymore mistakes (with me) at the club. THE LADIES ARE TIRED OF YOU. TRUST ME, I KNOW. THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU OR YOUR BUM ASS FRIEND, BROTHER, FATHER, or *gasp* GRANDFATHER.

1. FIRST, ASK ME IF I WANT TO DANCE

Unless I have been licking my lips & giving you eye contact from across the room, PLEASE don’t come up to me & just assume I am going to dance with you. It’s probably not going to happen, especially if you press your “privates” on me without asking. 

2. READ BODY LANGUAGE

Let’s say you do introduce yourself. The music is loud, you are trying to be polite, you want to talk more, I cannot hear you. & I didn’t come here to talk. Can’t you see me spinning away from you whilst you are trying to creep up. Or can’t you see my giving you the back or shoulder.  Move. I don’t want to dance with you. Simple. 

3. READ THE EYE ROLLS OR LONG BLINKS WHILE YOU ARE WALKING TOWARDS ME

Back. Away. Now. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don’t say anything at all. Just play it off like you are walking past me. Save yourself. 

4. YOU FAILED TO SEE 1-3

By this point, I have asked you to leave me alone with my body & with my words. I am now saying things like, “I don’t care” “leave me alone” or “don’t touch me.” But, you still trying to convince me. All this shows is that you don’t care about respecting my feelings or space. Just stop & walk away. Getting a dance bc I want you to shut up, isn’t a dance. Somebody saying yes to you bc they want you to leave them alone is not a yes. Hashtag male privilege or rape culture. 

5. YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME STILL

Please don't kick game. In that moment, I don't care about your opinion on how I look. I didn't come to the club to garner it. I literally came out to dance & then to take myself home to my family. But, you wanna holler, based on what you see. OH OH. Uh,  try something like: “Hey, I know this is awkward, but I am about to go outside for ___ . It’ll be nice to talk to you.” This shows that you actually want me to listen to you, not blow your breath into my ear. 

If you can’t be that forward or you cannot find a quiet PUBLIC space, try making some small talk by noticing something funny at the club. Acknowledging this weird moment of trying to get to know somebody in a loud place may just break the ice. Just don’t interrupt my dancing for small talk. Wait till I am done. I HATE being interrupted in the middle of a groove. You wouldn’t interrupt someone who is praying, right? So, don’t interrupt me. 

A sis at the club got hugged from a random stranger that told her happy birthday. When she responded that it wasn’t her birthday, he tried to convince her that it was. LAME!

6. AINT NO TIME FOR SMALL TALK

Did I mention forget to mention that I came here to dance? The REAL way to connect with you is to dance. If you busting a move on the dance floor, chances are I will notice you & I want to join the fun. Let’s form a dance bond. 

7. YOU GOT A DANCE!

We dancing, you want to offer me something to drink. I say water. You say, “you sure.” I say, water. You press me to get something else.  At this point, I say forget it & get my own water & walk away because you are controlling & just want me to be drunk so you can have your way “consensually” … You are a rapist, at least that is what I will assume. 

8. LET’S SAY YOU DANCED WITH ME & BOUGHT ME A DRINK

You do not own me. Do not follow me around for the rest of the night. I will buy you that drink back. I do not owe you anything beyond a thank you. Don’t assume that your time & money investment will earn you a reward & that the reward will be my telephone number or my yoni. Do I have to get into ‘the why’ here? Your generosity isn't tax deductible & it doesn't come with a perk. 

9. SHOULD HAVE BEEN NUMBER ONE TO ME

NEVER EVER grab me. Like EVER. Unless I am about to bust my ass or beat somebodies ass, which would never happen UNLESS someone grabs me… Do you get me?

Wooo  Saaaaaaaah… I aint even tell you the half. But, let’s just say at the latter part of my evening, I smacked a pimp with my sombrero bc I asked & demanded he step out of my space bubble, but refused. 

Do I really have to write this? Yes I do. Should you share it? Yes you should. This list isn’t for only the fellas. It could apply to some butches too. 

Did I miss anything? Comment. If your brave enough, comment below on other crazy things that have happen to you. Do you agree? Share & comment below bc sometimes "men" be doing too much. 

-Mama Juju